It's Awesome Because It Rhymes

Spider Riders: "Discover a lost world where ten-foot-tall spiders battle at your side. Awesome!" P.S. Please buy our shitty toys.

Now That Takes McBalls!

Some guy got up at a UK games convention, and, pretending to be a representative from (the apparently bogus) McDonald's Interactive, declared that a "simulation of the fast-food industry" has predicted that we are heading towards "global calamity". I don't know why they needed a game to predict this, but anyway, you can read the text of the speech here. Talk about stones! Thanks to GSW for the link.

Wakka Wow

This film is lovely and amazing.

Ninja Garnish!

Hey, if you live in New York, you totally have to check out this ninja restaurant. Their special: assassination! Man, the jokes just write themselves...

Game Over

Well, today is my last day at GameTap. It's been an amazing ride.

Cube on the Brain

A friend of mine recently asked me to name my Top Ten favorite Ice Cube tracks. With a recent shoot for GameTap in the bag, and a new album coming out on June 6, Ice Cube is all up in my shit lately.

Top Ten Ice Cube Tracks:
1. The Nigga Ya Love to Hate
2. Jackin' For Beats
3. The Wrong Nigga to Fuck Wit
4. Steady Mobbin'
5. 24 Wit an L
6. It Was a Good Day
7. Down For Whatever
8. You Know How We Do It
9. Wicked
10. Dead Homiez

Note that nothing from the "War & Peace" albums made it, even though I like "Pushin' Weight" from the first one and "You Can Do It" from the second one. Anyway, let's hope the new Cube album is a return to form.

OMG OMG OMG

Awesome! The Wizard is going be released on DVD in August! Weird that I just blogged this only a few weeks ago.

Lost Game

Even though I'm a huge fan of the show, I'm not sure how a game based on Lost could possibly be any good...unless it includes a Hugo peanut-butter-eating minigame.

A Cautionary Tale

Sit back and let me tell you a story. A story about a game called "State of Emergency 2" for the PS2.


I went into this game with zero expectations. (In fact, I haven't even played the first game.) To further substantiate the Schwartz Theory of Low Expectation Media Consumption, my initial reaction to the game was super positive. In fact, SoE2 (as I will call it henceforth) was a blast to play! The game opens with your character inside the death chamber at a prison -- uh oh! Fortunately for him, someone was kind enough to strap a gun to the bottom of his chair. (Yes, check credibility at the door for this one, folks.) Time to make with the carnage!

I should have known something was up when I could not figure out how to exit the FIRST ROOM in the game. Apparently, I did something that prevented the correct story trigger to occur, because once I rebooted and did it again, progress flowed smoothly. The gameplay is typical third-person action: shooting, running, sniping, grenading, ducking around corners. The gimmick here, like in the first game, is that there are a whole lot of NPC characters running around the levels, making for a very chaotic "moblike" atmosphere. Once you bust all the prisoners out of their cells, the game succeeds remarkably well in this area. There are indeed lots of (often identical) chumps running around getting in your way, and woe is the prisoner who gets between you and a guard with a shotgun.

The game is tough. VERY tough. I kept failing the missions, even in the early stages. But unlike GTA, I was not frustrated -- not yet, anyway. Just the opposite: the challenge level was just high enough to make me want to keep trying again and again, without the fun factor diminishing. This is an astonishing achievement, considering modern games often become intolerable when the learning curve is too punishing. (The spinning towers of blades at the end of God of War jump to mind.) In the case of SoE2, the frustration was part of the fun.

Oh, but then how things went wrong. Horribly wrong. Eventually, you break one of your buddies out of prison, and suddenly you have multiple playable characters that you can hotswap during the action. Too bad your buddies are NO FUCKING HELP WHATSOEVER. Too bad there are suddenly CRACKSHOT SNIPERS ON EVERY GUARD TOWER who are all too ready to blow your head off at 2,000 paces. Too bad the levels are IMPOSSIBLY BLAND with nowhere to hide. Too bad it takes FOREVER TO SWITCH WEAPONS. And did I mention that the friendly AI is MADE OF PUDDING?

At a few hours into the game, the punishing challenge suddenly made a hard turn into the No Fun Zone. I started seeing SoE2 it for what it really was: an example of bad programming. Or bad level design, or bad enemy AI, whatever. (Note to developers: enemies that can hit you from across the level when you can't even see them is no longer acceptable.) Frankly, the game had so much going for it. Cool weapons, lots of explosions, a funny delivery and sense of attitude. Not to mention the first scene that takes place inside a DEATH CHAMBER. But ultimately, I turned off my PS2 in a huff and sent the damn game back to GameFly. Who has time for this stuff when there are so many other good games to play?

I love it when an overlooked gem or a budget title, having fallen victim to the oversaturated market, suddenly breaks through and impresses you with its sheer level of quality or awesome budget-ness. Unfortunately, SoE2 is just another game that could have been so much more.

GameTap E3 Picks

GameTap has selected its favorite games from E3 2006. You can also check out a video here.

Slimey

While we're on the subject of Square Enix, take a look at the full checklist of slime keychains:


I got #24, the blue king slime, which is pretty rare, I guess? Anyway, he's definitely a cool one to have!

Yangus: Mysteriously Absent?

So, Young Yangus' Mysterious Dungeon does not seem to be appearing on American shores any time soon, which really sucks. However, something that escaped me at E3 but now has me totally psyched: Square Enix announced Dragon Quest Swords: The Masked Queen and the Tower of Mirrors for release on the Wii. Unclear if it will be an exclusive. The press release says that the Wii hardware is integral to the gameplay, so if they port it to PS3 or whatever it will certainly be a different game in some respect.

Spow!

Those of you who went to E3 and actually had time to see stuff (I hate you) probably already got the full demo of Spore. We knew this game was going to be good, but after watching the 20-minute demo from Will Wright (available in a few places, including good ol' YouTube) I am completely and utterly floored by the game's design and scope. You want to play in a sandbox? How about an entire friggin' UNIVERSE? I have never been a Sims fan (too boring), and though Spore looks somewhat similar it is clearly cut from entirely different cloth. I was really amazed. Watch the whole thing, and avoid the Robin Williams clip if you can. Sorta funny, but totally unnecessary.

It's Official

Well, I can finally announce that I am officially moving into game design. As of May 30 I will be returning to Cartoon Network to work as content designer on a to-be-announced game project. I am extremely excited about this opportunity!

E3 Report

Unfortunately, my report from E3 2006 is a bit Wii'k. This show was a lot more work than I was expecting, with back-to-back media appointments and meetings, not to mention the fact that I was basically on my feet for 12 hours straight all three days. With only 3 or 4 hours to actually hit the floor and check out the wares, I didn't take back nearly as much as I was hoping. That said, I have some impressions to share, with more than a few pleasant surprises and plenty of games that left me salivating. Check out all my pics here.


God of War II: You know, God of War II left me feeling underwhelmed. Yes, it's gorgeous and, yes, it is still fun to play. But as is the case with great games, you hope that the sequel will bring more than just "more of the same" to the table. Based on my limited playtime, I did not see anything new here. The same great graphics, the same tight gameplay, even the same "Kratos falling through the clouds" intro. Maybe I wanted a new weapon? Maybe I wanted a new playable character? I don't know, but while this is definitely going to be a good title, I can't yet say that it will be a great sequel.

Dead Rising: You want a sandbox game? Capcom's got your sandbox game...with zombies. Simply put, this game is a blast to play. Hitting zombies in the skull with a giant LEGO head was worth waiting for, let me tell you. But what about that lazy camera? (Zombies kept sneaking up and biting me in the behind.) What about that annoying photographer dude? (Listen, pal. I don't want to take pictures of you beating zombies. I'd much rather beat you myself.) In a mall environment where everything is a weapon and with gameplay open-ended to the max, this just may be the game that gets me to buy a 360.

Too Human: Speaking of buying a 360, Too Human was on my "must play" short list before heading out to LA. I got the chance to sit down with the game twice, and I was really impressed. Now, keep in mind: the gameplay was very choppy and the load times were unforgivable. This was clearly an early build, and I would venture to guess that Microsoft really had to think hard about whether or not to display this puppy at E3. Well, I'm glad they did, because if you look past its rough edges you can really see the potential of something extraordinary. The controls are quite different, with all of the action orchestrated by the dual analog sticks. The environments were just gorgeous, with some really cool effects and enemies thrown in for good measure. The demo was way too easy, as I got the feeling I could have played through with my eyes closed. Silicon Knights is promising an "easy to learn, difficult to master" mechanic, and if they can deliver, this is going to be an awesome experience.


Spectrobes: Yeah, this game is a Pokemon rip but the creature designs are sweet! And the developer is the company behind Kingdom Hearts for the GBA. So I'm going to keep my eye on this one. Also, Buena Vista has revived the Turok franchise (good) and entered into the weird with the Desperate Housewives game (weird). So what do you care if you gotta catch all them Spectrobes?

Gears of War: Thanks to my friend Greg, I had the opportunity to go behind closed doors with Gears of War to check out the multiplayer deathmatch. Now, I'm mostly a single-player dude, so I was going in a bit skeptical. Let me first say that the game is freaking GORGEOUS. If you're a 3rd person shooter fan, you NEED to check out this game for that reason alone. But, okay, what else does the game offer besides pretty graphics? The only innovation I saw was that the guns had chainsaws on them. (Gone are the days when you had to be saddled with your chainsaw separately. Huzzah!) Seriously, this is next-gen? Freaking chainsaws? I'll wait for the single player, because this looked just like more of the same.


Yakuza: OK, now we're talking. This PS2 exclusive from SEGA is probably just around the corner. Maybe I'm just an old school fogey, but Yakuza was one of the best demos I played at the show: an RPG beat-em-up with real style. Set in the Japanese criminal underground, the title promises some pretty varied gameplay, AWESOME fight controls and elements of "go anywhere, do anything" that may or may not come to fruition. What I can tell you is this: beating a guy over the head with a golf club until it breaks, then smashing the side of his face into a coke machine is just about as cool as it gets.

Prey: There was a lot of buzz around this game leading into E3. Honestly, I played this game at the Microsoft booth because it was one of the few kiosks that was empty when I arrived. Well, I'm glad I played it, because it brings something different to the "been there, done that" feeling that I get from most FPS titles. In fact, I jumped into a deathmatch game and quickly found my footing. The action was fast and fun, and -- get this -- the maps rotate a full 360 degrees. This is hard to explain, but basically, you can run up alongside certain walls and flip the map over. I did not have enough time to figure out the strategy underneath it all, but I did get to see my opponents running on the ceiling like crazed cockroaches. And as far as I'm concerned, running on the ceiling = sign me up!

Full Auto 2: Speaking of deathmatch, I played me some Full Auto 2 deathmatch and I had a freaking blast. (Again, SEGA brings me one of my favorite game experiences of the show.) The controls were a bit dicey until I got a handle (pun intended) on the handbrake. At that point, I could zoom along at full speed with a bogey on my six, do a quick 180 degree turn and blast missiles right into his grill. I don't think this game is going to move any PS3s, but when I get one I will probably make sure Full Auto 2 is on my shelf with it.


DQ Heroes: Rocket Slime: No Dragon Quest Yangus on the floor had me crying in my Alchemy Pot, but this game is a fine substitute. Coming to your DS in September, Rocket Slime is an action/RPG hybrid (lower screen) with giant mecha slimes (top screen) all served up in the inimitable DQ style. Yeah, I'm a bit of a latecomer to the Dragon Quest games, since the only one I've played (other than DQ8) is the original Dragon Warrior for the NES. But who cares? I love this series.

Justice League Heroes: How about this for a surprise? Justice League Heroes is awesome! Developed by Snowblind, the same guys who did the Dark Alliance and Champions of Norrath dungeon crawlers, JLH already has the same spit-and-polish of those games, with a superhero sheen. I played this one at the WBIE booth. I was Superman, the guy from Snowblind was Batman. We totally kicked some robot ass. Perhaps my reaction is due to severely low expectations, but as a comic book fan I am now really looking forward to picking up this game.

Guitar Hero II: What can I say? I've saved the best for last. Guitar Hero II promises to be awesome. I played "YYZ" in co-op mode with some other dude: me on bass, him on lead guitar. It was superb. To activate star power, you and your partner must tilt your guitars simultaneously. This is a lot like the Lifeson-Lee synchronized guitarring of old. I don't think I've ever rocked harder with a video game. Plus, I got a free poster.


Speaking of Guitar Hero II, there's something I have to mention. I was at the Capcom party at Gallery 1988 (where I bought the piece called "Zebes Welcoming Committee" at above right) and they had Guitar Hero customized with the Megaman theme! That was pretty sweet. (They also had the Ikari Warriors theme, but I didn't see anyone from SNK crashing the party.) I see a video game music edition of Guitar Hero coming some day to a console near you...

All told, this was a pretty amazing show. I was disappointed that I did not get to try the Wii. Everyone who walked out of that experience had a big shit-eating grin on their face. (Too bad I did not have the time or the patience to wait for 6 hours to try the damn thing.) Well, I am very happy for Nintendo. They really know how to buck the trend. I am sure some of the games will be gimmicky, but as one friend of mine said, "I've played tennis for real and in video games a million times. But now I get to play it in a whole new way." Can't argue that one, folks.

Other games to watch for are: Assassin's Creed, Spore, Hellgate London, Red Steel, Huxley, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Twilight Princess (of course) and Command & Conquer 3...among many others.

Now it's time for a nap!

I Really Am 8 Bit

So I went to Capcom's party at Gallery 1988 tonight (which, for the record, is near the intersection of Labrea and Melrose) and bought something from the latest edition of I Am 8 Bit! It is called, "Zebes Welcoming Committe" and features some of the baddie creatures from Metroid. I also bought a poster print by Seth Fisher, which immortalizes the game Rampage, and was one of the last things he did before he died (tragically and unexpectedly) in Japan. Great night.

P.S. I decided that all the artwork at I Am 8 Bit could be called one of two things: 1) "My Wife Is Gonna Kill Me," or 2) "It's Going Right to the Office, Honey."

Wii Are Psyched!

So, this is what I hear: Super Smash Bros. for Wii. (Solid Snake as a playable character?) A Metroid game featuring Samus sans suit, and Kid Icarus next-gen!

GameTap @ E3

GameTap has posted its schedule for the E3 live clientcast. Space Ghost interviews Peter Moore? Well, that ought to be interesting...

Hilariousitination

I was just purging my work inbox when I came across an email from marketing that used the word "operationalizing" in the subject line. Isn't that funny? Let's take our learnings offline.

Concert Hall!

Seven songs confirmed for Guitar Hero II and probably playable at E3!

Psychobilly Freakout - Reverend Horton Heat
Strutter - Kiss
Who Was in My Room Last Night - Butthole Surfers
You Really Got Me - Van Halen
War Pigs - Black Sabbath
YYZ - Rush
Arterial Black - Drist

Off to See the Wizard

My conflicted feelings about YouTube aside, it is definitely nice to find the trailer for The Wizard, the awesomest Nintendo movie ever. Come out on DVD, already!

Ubwiisoft

Ubisoft continues to show its support of the Wii with the addition of Rayman Raving Rabbids to Nintendo's slowly growing launch lineup. I guess the game is multi-platform, but they did include an awesome picture with the press release...



In the game, Rayman will fight "Ultra-Crazed Evil Rabbits" -- which sounds like a pretty good start, anyway.

Haiku of Halitosis

This, and other hilarious subtitles, can be found one click away at the Castlevania title generator! Link brought to you by Joystiq.

Wii Respond

Game developer types respond to the Wii over at Gamasutra. What do we learn? Probably what we already knew: yes, it's a silly name, but ultimately, it's the experience that really counts. If the console and the games are awesome (looking likely), then they could have called it the Nintendo Doodybomb and it wouldn't have mattered. Right?

Excuse Me, Mr. Moore? Mine's Broken

Everyone has heard about the Xbox 360's so-called "quality problems" -- that is, the manufacturing defects, overheating, etc. (I have also heard rumor that a new chipset will be offered as soon as Q4 that has less tendency to overheat.) Anyway, no one I know has had this kind of problem with their 360, so I imagine most of this stuff is proliferating on the Internet. (What a shock.)

In any event, I don't own a 360. But whether you do or you don't, this story from the San Jose Mercury News will certainly raise an eyebrow. The most incredible thing? The guy found nine Xbox 360 games worth owning.

Zing!

Emulatores Is Awesmoe

And this, ladies and gents, typifies my love it/hate it relationship with the Internet: dummies who feel that they are entitled to everything for free.

Whee!

The Nintendo Revolution has a new name. I'm not going to tell you what it is, though. You've really got to see it for yourself.

Grid Wars 2

You've probably heard all the hubbub about Geometry Wars on Xbox Live. Well, if you're like me and don't have an Xbox 360 OR Xbox Live, you'll have to make due with Grid Wars 2, a pretty awesome clone for both PC and Mac that you can download here.

Megaman Megamix

OK, this totally warrants a post: big-name music acts like Metallica and R.E.M. are ripping off Megaman! Witness "Seek and Destroy" meets Flash Man and R.E.M. versus Elecman. I can't wait to hear Linkin Park cover Dr. Wily!

Thirty-Three and a Third

So, my friend Mark sent me a book about the making of Paul's Boutique, one of the best albums ever.


What I've discovered is that the book is one in a series of books about great albums: Doolittle, Let It Be, Exile on Main Street, blah blah blah. The blog for the books is here. The publisher, Continuum Books, is here. But a comprehensive list of all the titles in the series is...where? Can't find it. But you can link to Powell's and Amazon from the blog.

Anyway, what's that sound that you hear? Why, it's the sound of more money flying out of my wallet. Yay.

Movie Quickies

I have seen some really good movies lately! (Also a few stinkers.) Here are some of them.
Serenity - I did not get on Joss Whedon's Firefly bandwagon. I watched this movie with almost no exposure to the TV show. Needless to say, I was blown away! Awesome sci-fi action, great script, and the best villain I've seen in ages. It's better than all three recent Star Wars epics, which is saying both a lot and a little at the same time. Seriously, see this movie!
Lord of War - Best opening title sequence ever (follow a bullet from its birth in a factory to being shot into someone's skull) leads to a nearly unwatchable film. Nicholas Cage is so miscast it's laughable. I made it about 40 minutes in and turned it off.
Saw II - I liked Saw. Not loved, liked. Saw II was even better. A really tight script, some truly grisly moments, and a story that keeps you hooked. Pun not intended.
Howl's Moving Castle - Again, the theory of low expectations wins out. The reviews of Miyazaki's latest were lukewarm, especially when you consider that most critics gush over everything the man does (with good reason). In any event, this movie was brilliant, although not as good as Spirited Away...but what is? Some of the imagery will stick with me forever.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children - I'm not a Final Fantasy fan at all, but I've picked up on most of the stories through sheer force of geek osmosis. The film is gorgeous to look at, with some of the best (if not THE best) CGI action sequences ever created. I was thoroughly entertained, although I have no clue what happened. Might warrant another viewing, someday.
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room - The first half hour of this Oscar-nominated documentary is confusing at best. But stick with it to experience a disturbing portrait of a unique brand of American greed.
The 40 Year-Old Virgin - I was prepared for the most hilarious movie I have seen in my entire life, and I am happy to report that this title is still held by Airplane! Sure, this movie is funny. But it's really long and totally in love with itself. Again, high expectations are shattered as easily as low expectations are proven wrong.
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins - I loved this movie as a kid, and recently TiVo'd it. Man, it holds up surprisingly well. Joel Grey's borderline racist performance as a Korean martial arts master is forgiven due to its sheer awesomeness. Fred Ward is great, too. This film was supposed to launch a franchise, which never happened. Remake!!

The Opportunists

I was interested to discover Metacritic's coverage of The Opportunists, the last film I worked on before giving up on the movie business.


Seems as though some people liked it, but I didn't know that anyone had actually SEEN it.

How About That? x 2

Well, someone has made a modern-day Rescue Raiders, entitled Steam Brigade! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check this post here. Then go download the game and let me know if it's any good, because I frankly have no time to play it!!

How About That?

Between today and yesterday, my profile recieved 23 additional views. I guess sex sells, after all.

Zombies 3, Ambulance 4,085

How about this for a totally cool concept? It's Crazy Taxi, but in an ambulance. And instead of people, your fares are zombies. Get them to the hospital on time, or they eat you!! (Forget about Kentucky Fried Chicken.) It's The Zombie Versus Ambulance, and it's brought to you by Japan, world famous developer of ninjas and tentacle rape. What a country!

For the Record

Ever since I posted those totally hot photos of pussy, cock and breasts, my profile has been viewed an additional zero times. So much for "sex sells".

Rock On

Hooray! Guitar Hero II has finally been announced and hits the stage this Novemeber. Keep your fingers crossed for some Maiden.

Not a Bad Theory

Back to more important matters, I am currently reading Raph Koster's book entitled "A Theory of Fun for Game Design". It's a great read and more accessible than most game design books, probably because it is both technical and conversational at the same time. (It also has lots of funny cartoons in it.) And while the subject matter in principle is game design, the stuff Koster talks about can really be applied to any kind of creative medium involving storytelling. Worth a look! You can also check out his blog, in which the author further ruminates on games in an entertaining fashion. You can even listen to his guitar music, if that's your bag.

Amazing Breasts

My God, I just can't stop. Here is a totally hot photo of an absolutely divine pair of breasts.

Giant Cock

For good measure, here is a totally hot photo of a GIANT cock!

(I've seen this one myself, and yes, it really is that big.)

Dripping Wet Pussy

In a shrewd attempt to drive more people to my blog, I have posted this totally hot photo of a dripping wet pussy.

Seriously, will I get more profile views? Stay tuned.

Those Zany Japanese!

Wow, and I thought that "shoot the 50-foot bikini girl with missiles" game was bad. Check out Battle Raper II, a game which features three-dimensional fighting and one-dimensional sex! You can download the trailer here, or check out a garbled version of it (along with the game's intro) on YouTube. Definitely NSFW!

(Despite the game's obvious offensive qualities, the trailer is hilarious.)

If you're not feeling brave, I found a pretty funny review of Battle Raper II on a gaming site.

God pwnz

So, in case you missed it, the people who do the "Left Behind" Christian books that you can buy in the airport (over 63 million sold!) are getting into the game biz with a post-apocalyptic action game that tells the story of the Rapture by way of Grand Theft Auto. I don't care who you are -- or what religion you subscribe to and how tenaciously you do so -- if you're at all into games or pop culture, your eyebrows just went up.

In the video game hierarchy, Bible-themed games have historically fallen somewhere just below movie-based games starring The Rock and somewhere right above Atari 2600 porno. Frankly: they suck, and I predict that this one will be no different. However, with the right marketing behind it, it will probably sell faster than Girl Scout cookies at a fat camp.

Kotaku linked to an article that sheds some light (no pun intended) on the game. It's worth a read.

Being a proponent of free creative expression, I, for one, am totally for this kind of niche gaming -- if it succeeds, it can only lead to other games of its kind. Preferably from other genres and walks of life, but who knows? Maybe the game will be fun, and then who will have the last laugh in heaven?

Check out the trailer here. And try not to laugh when God reaches out with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm...and clicks His mouse.

Digital Revolution, Part II

Here is a very insightful article about digital distribution and the future of online console gaming. The author makes a lot of very astute comments about Sony's umpcoming (and ambiguous) PS3 network, among other things, but he misses the point regarding GameTap. GameTap offers games post-retail by design, so it was never meant to compete with the retail console business. A very good read nonetheless.

Props to Gideon for the link.

Red Steel in the Hour of Chaos

I received a press release from Ubisoft announcing their exclusive shooter title for the Nintendo Revolution, Red Steel. Needless to say, I was excited! No images were included with the release, so I scoured the web for the above shot, which is a scan from Game Informer magazine or something. Anyway, it looks cool to me, buddy. Set in contemporary Japan, the game will reportedly allow players to "master both the ancient art of the katana and the sophisticated technology of modern firearms taking advantage of the emotion and immersive gameplay possible only with the Revolution’s remarkable controller." Remarkable, indeed!

Derren Brown

So, it turns out that the guy who did the Waking Dead videogame experiment is a famous "mentalist" and illusionist from the UK. He's got a new fan!

Waking Dead

This link is a must-click. Some guys in England created a videogame that induces a catatonic state in the player. Whether you believe this to be real or staged is up for debate, but what follows is truly remarkable and entertaining.

Gollum Wins!

So I guess there's a Tekken movie in pre-production, and Andy Serkis (of Gollum fame) is listed as one of the actors. Wake me up when they announce the River City Ransom TV series.

1, 2, 3, 4

If you know what's good for you, you will check out Pan For Punks, the steelpan drum tribute to the Ramones. It is as good as it sounds. No, wait...it's better.

Zeldork!

OMG, you must check out this trailer for the live-action Zelda fan film!

Totally Awesome

Okay, I'll admit it: I'm really psyched about Rampage Total Destruction. I just can't help it! Ralph, George and Lizzie are back with like a bunch of new monsters. I think there's a guy with a big shark head! Truth be told, I was always disappointed to discover that Lizzie is a girl.

HDTV: LCD or Plasma?

I am getting ready to replace my TV, which is 10+ years old. Gearing up for a nice movie viewing/game playing television is exciting, but also daunting. HDTV? Of course. LCD? Maybe. Plasma? Maybe. DLP? Um...

I've been conducting some online research, and this link made me laugh. If you have any advice, and you happen to read my blog (yeah, right) -- please post a comment.

Rated "D" for "D'oh!"

The Simpsons teaser trailer is now available for viewing in the magical world of the Internet. You can also download the entire film for free at everythingisfreeontheinternet.com.

Rescue Raiders

I was having dinner with a couple of my gaming buds at GDC last week, and we got on the subject of fondly remembered Apple IIe games. (Such are the activities that gamers are wont to engage in when attending GDC.) Titles discussed were Karateka, Castle Wolfenstein, etc. I can't remember them all. We got on the subject of helicopter games (Choplifter) and I suddenly remembered this game that I used to play for hours -- but what the heck was it called? It's been bugging me all week.

Of course, through the magic of the web, I found it: Rescue Raiders.

This game caused me endless amounts of grief as a kid, but I loved the game anyway. See, I never really knew how to play it. And I certainly never beat it. I don't even know if I got past the first level. I knew I was supposed to control the helicopter, but since I had the -- for shame -- cracked version, I had no instructions (in-game tutorials were a decade away). It was frustrating, but also unbelievably engaging. Like a kid with endless patience and time, I basically pecked away at the keyboard until I figured out how to launch my weapons, create infantry, vehicles and so on. I actually never knew what the point of the game was, but I created scenarios in my head about it, which made it endlessly entertaining. Rescue Raiders was much more realistic-looking than Choplifter, and the combat seemed a lot more true to life. What a cool game!

Now having discovered information about the game on the Internet, I realize this was one of the first real-time strategy games, albeit from a 2D sidescrolling perspective. As it turns out, seems the idea was to march your troops and vehicles across the map while pulverizing your enemy's caravan in order to make it to the other side. Huh. Seems pretty obvious in retrospect. Perhaps some day I'll play the game again in my Apple emulatior (try AppleWin, folks), but I don't think it can ever capture the magic of plugging away at those chunky gray IIe keys.

Chill Out, Kid

Don't worry, the Nintendo 64 library will be avaiable on Revolution for something like $20/game. And you probably won't even need to wait until Christmas.

You the Man Now, Gandalf

Sure, YTMND is totally hit and miss, but this one made me laugh out loud. Heartily.

Lore Sjöberg Is Funny

I don't know who this guy is, but his columns for Wired are consistently hilarious. Plus, he has an umlaut in his name, which has to count for something.

More Video

In other broadband video news, 1up launched their public beta of the much-anticipated gamevideos.com this week.

Someone's trying to put the "video" back in "video games"!

GameTap TV

Learn more about the new iteration of GameTap, including its expanded video offering, in today's press release.

Fancy!

Best Flash game I've played in a while: The Fancy Pants Adventure. Gideon gets credit for the link.

Mount & Blade

No, it's not the name of a tavern. Mount & Blade is a pretty cool game that you can download here. The free version has a level cap, but buy the full version and you can upgrade your customizable character as much as you like. As the name implies, the game is a medieval sword 'n' horseback action game, but it seems pretty deep for a title that you can download in about 2 minutes right from the web. The character customization is especially deep, and it seems there is a multiplayer aspect. I haven't played much at all (just got past the tutorial), but I'm interested to see where it goes. I'm told that people who pick it up can't resisit the full version.

Thanks to Matt for bringing this game to my attention!

GDC 06

The Game Developers Conference in sunny San Jose was a real blast. Not only is the conference an excellent networking opportunity, but (unlike last year) I had a chance to attend many of the round table discussions and larger lectures with some true video game luminaries. Especially interesting was Richard Garriott, discussing the ups and downs of developing his latest MMO, Tabula Rasa.

The only downside to the GDC seems to be that it is simply impossible to see and do everything you might like, which is really a compliment. I met some awesome people (including a few hedgehogs) and did some pretty bad-ass karaoke at a place called 7 Bamboo in Japantown.

As for the "big news" that all gamers look for, well, there really wasn't much to go around. I have to say that Nintendo is doing some pretty impressive stuff these days: I played the new Super Mario on the DS Lite -- both the game and the upgraded handheld justify a purchase. They also announced a Zelda DS title and gave away copies of Brain Age after Iwata's keynote. Sure, I'm still pretty skeptical about the Revolution's "virtual console" -- and I really didn't appreciate a few of Iwata's comments -- but thanks for the cool game, Nintendo!

(And, yes, if you own a DS you should probably go get that one as well.)

The conference closed with a special performance of Video Games Live. Despite some pacing problems and a few questionable creative calls (Holocaust footage to the tune of Medal of Honor?!?), the show was totally cool. What a fun time!

Tetris Web

On a final note, the Tetris DS official site is worth a look!

Success

Well, I called Toys R Us before I left work, only to pleasantly discover that they had Tetris DS! Sadly, I didn't have enough time to get over there before dinner, so I just got home with a copy. Hurrah!

In addition, I returned Pokemon Trozei for Metroid Prime Hunters, a decision which actually prompted an agonizing inner debate. I finally determined that having two puzzle games (one of which is Tetris, for crying out loud!) was less preferable than having a puzzle game AND a super-duper action/adventure game. Also, the one review I've seen (at GamePro) was positive enough to make me opt for Samus. Sorry, Poliwhorl!

Failure

Toys R Us didn't have any copies of Tetris DS. They said to try calling later this afternoon. My consolation prize: I left instead with Tetris' gap-toothed younger sister, Pokemon Trozei. Listen, I need something new to play on the plane tomorrow when I head out to GDC.

In Conversation

This morning, going to work, in elevator:

Friend: Hey, a bunch of us are going to go to Best Buy at lunch to get Tetris DS. Wanna come?
Me: I would love to, but I'm going to Toys R Us to buy it. I have a gift certificate that I need to use.
Friend: We have Best Buy gift certificates!

Nerds!

Kart Attack

For the price of an actual car (about $23K), you can own a deluxe two-player Mario Kart arcade machine. I saw this in person for the first time at a Chuck E. Cheese yesterday afternoon. The machine is manufactured by Namco, and includes Pac-Man and at least one ghost as playable characters. Unfortunately, there were about 20 kids waiting to play the damn thing, so I couldn't try it out. I'm going to bust open my piggy bank when I get home tonight to see if I have enough to get one for myself. I don't have high hopes.

Frogger: Silver Ed.

The great game of Frogger celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, and it has the official site to prove it. George Costanza is psyched.

Oy Vey, This Is Funny

It's Jewish Girls Gone Wild!

Encore

The Internet reports that Guitar Hero 2 is on its way, with 40 new tracks to satisfy every rocker. There's also talk of "genre-specific" Guitar Hero titles, like a country version or a metal version. This all sounds totally awesome, if you like to believe everything the Internet tells you. And, of course, I do.

Eat 'Em and Smile

More Massively Multiplayer Online Brains will be available for eating! A game called Exanimus promises to "allow players to experience a MMO based in a horror genre by creating a dark and visually 'intense' environment." Nice, but why is "intense" in quotes, and what the hell does the title mean? Stay tuned, and polish your brain-beating stick.

An Open Letter to Jack Thompson

Columnist Matthew Sakey makes a compelling argument to be thankful for anti-game activist Jack Thompson's existence. Worth a read, and will be interesting to see if the man himself responds.

Simpsons Alive!

Check out the Simpsons opening, now in flesh-filled live action! On a side note, the YouTube site is pretty amazing; I think this whole Internet thing is going places.

Stand By for Adventure!

Adventure Gamers (a site I had not heard of previously, but quite nice) has posted a very evenhanded review of GameTap's current crop of adventure titles.

More Than a Handful

Looking for the perfect sports bra? Or just a quick titty fix? Well, they are both only one click away! Boobalicious!

Ultraviolence

Just when you thought Matrix ripoffs were through, here comes Ultraviolet. Man, it looks AWESOME.

Katamari Damashite

Gamedaily posted a Flash version of Katamari Damacy that you can play in your browser. And it sucks ass! What a shame...stick with your PS2.

Phantom Gives Up the Ghost

So much for the slow-motion train wreck known as the Phantom. Gamespot reports that development of the troubled device has offically been put "on hold".

Rumble Box

This is a great game, and best of all, it's free!

Trumptastic

If you like tycoon games, and you like New York City, then this might be of interest. It looks cool!

Funny How That Happens

So my iPod broke on its VERY LAST DAY of the initial one-year warranty. I brought it into the local Apple temple -- er -- store, and they gave me a brand new iPod!

Customer Service = A+. Too bad I lost all my playlists. Not to mention a bunch of music that I purged from my hard drive(s). Oh, well! I look at it this way: it's like an exciting new beginning with someone I already love.

Break Granted

For some reason, it makes me chuckle to think about anyone actively deciding to buy this.

HAVE FUN

Make your own candy heart! Click here. Oh, and definitely don't forget to click here!

Wicked Sweet

Oh, and while you're in the mood for nerdy tunes, please check out Keith Schofield's music videos. You won't be sorry!

Yangus Update!

The Dragon Quest Yangus official site has been updated. Guess who has new desktop wallpaper?

Y.M.C.K. R.O.C.K.

You want to check out some cool music for uncool gamers? They're Y.M.C.K. and they're from Japan. Where else would they be from? Pick up their album for ten bucks!

East/West

So everyone saw the "Chronicles of Narnia" rap from those SNL guys...well, here's a response from the left coast, and it's even funnier than the original!

No, Really. Is It?

Is this a joke?

Mazal Tov!

My new favorite cewebrity(TM) is Jessie the Bat Mitzvah girl. Check out her music video here. Her simcha is on my birthday!

Yeah, Right

No more booth babes at E3? That's what the ESA says, anyway.

More Spore

Everyone is excited about Will Wright's upcoming game Spore, and EA's official site is worth checking out.

Mmmm...MMOB

Massively Multiplayer Online Brains can be consumed when playing Urban Dead, a multiplayer browser-based online game!

Trapped in the Theater

If you're near Austin, TX, you may want to attend this!

Beat It

Remember that time that Michael Jackson beat up all your favorite characters from the NES? No? Well, this might refresh your memory.

(Is it a subtle commentary about the brief period of time that the SEGA Genesis dominated the console market, or just a crazy batshit fan film from Japan? You decide!)

Counterpoint

Curmudgeon Gamer responds to GameDaily's review of GameTap.

GameDaily on GameTap

GameDaily offers their take on GameTap.

Oy, Guv!

A sequel/prequel/sidestory to Dragon Quest VIII, tentatively titled Dragon Quest Yangus will follow the titular exploits of a young Yangus before he appeared in DQ VIII. Cor Blimey!

Long Time No Post

Man, December knocked me out. I was sick for like two weeks, and the holidays, and the so-on-and-so-on. But I did get out to see some movies and managed to play some games. Well, one game in particular: Dragon Quest VIII. Man, that game is just awesome. I've put 45+ hours into it and I think I'm only about halfway through. I'll have to write more when I have the time.

Here are the other things floating my proverbial boat:

- King Kong: Great movie, but too long. Why does everything have to be over three hours? Is that what makes something "epic"? No, it is often what makes something "padded".
- Munich: The rare "movie for grown-ups" that thrills, engages and makes one think. And it's not about some boring topic like an obscure gay poet in prison or whatever.
- Brokeback Mountain: Speaking of gay...this movie was a letdown. Great acting, but the story was a whole lot of nothing, in my opinion, and ended with a whimper.
- Smartbomb: A cool collection of spotlight articles about the various people and organizations that work behind-the-scenes of the videogame industry. Not very in-depth, but entertaining and well-written.
- Art Brut: My friends in New York (who are much cooler than I am) recommended this UK band to me. With lyrics like "I want to write the song that makes Israel and Palestine get along" you know that these guys are much cooler than you, too.
- Dragon Quest VIII: Didn't I already mention that this Japanese RPG ROOLZ? And that they are making a sequel/prequel? And Jessica's boobs defy gravity!
- The 4400: A sci-fi show on USA that has low production values and budget acting (Peter Coyote?) but great stories and an even better premise. Worth a look.

OK, bye!

What About Tony Stark?

According to Forbes, here are the 15 richest fictional characters:

1 Claus, Santa (∞)
2 Warbucks, Oliver "Daddy" ($27.3 billion)
3 Rich, Richie ($17 billion)
4 Luthor, Lex ($10.1 billion)
5 Burns, Charles Montgomery ($8.4 billion)
6 McDuck, Scrooge ($8.2 billion)
7 Clampett, Jed ($6.6 billion)
8 Wayne, Bruce ($6.5 billion)
9 Howell, Thurston III ($5.7 billion)
10 Wonka, Willy ($2.3 billion)
11 Bach, Arthur ($2 billion)
12 Scrooge, Ebenezer ($1.7 billion)
13 Croft, Lara ($1 billion)
14 De Vil, Cruella ($1 billion)
15 Malfoy, Lucius ($900 million)

Weird Reads

Check out Odd Books Online if you like Art Deco or are interested in a tome about chewing gum.