Hulk (Is A) Smash!

OK, so: like, did you ever want to play a game in which you could run around and destroy buildings, then blow up a bus and smash someone with it and then like, run really fast and jump into the air and fling the bus at a helicopter so that the helicopter explodes, and then use the flaming wreckage of the helicopter to blow up another car, which you can use as like, brass knuckles to lay waste to a gas station? Oh, and flatten some cops with a tank?

Then, boy, do I have the game for you!!!

Mari-Oh My

Wow, you can watch the Super Mario Brothers Super Show online at Yahooligans! (You can also find the Legend of Zelda cartoon, if you have the courage. And a mirror shield.)

Both cartoons were produced by DIC, which in the animation community stands for "Do It Cheap".

The Terrible Secret of Space

Do you know the Terrible Secret of Space? The terrible secret is that the Pusher Robot is an asshole and the Shover Robot can't drive.

Mega Mania

This is funny.

Props Received > Props Given

A big shout-out to the folks at Netjak for their positively humbling review of the "50 Worst" piece. I am not familiar with Netjak, but I'm psyched that they enjoyed the article so much! I will be visitng their site in the future. Thanks, guys!

Ninten-D'oh!

Nintendo has cut the price of its handheld DS console from $149 to $129.

I bought a DS last week. Of course.

Why did I buy a DS, you ask? One word: Electroplankton. This game -- if you can even call it that -- features microscopic muscical critters making Nintendo sound collages. I saw it at GDC, and my nerdar definitely went off. After seeing more of the game and reading a few reviews, I decided that Electroplankton was the killer DS app that I had been waiting for! It's a Japan-only release for now, so I bought the import. Good thing the DS is not region protected!

I also got Jump Super Stars, a "Super Smash Bros." style fighting game with manga characters. There's dozens of properties in the game, many of which I've never heard of! It looks totally fun. And unlike Electroplankton, Jump Super Stars will almost certainly never get a release in the US. In fact, I'm skeptical that Electroplankton will ever come out stateside, which is why I snatched up the import.

I am currently staring at my mailbox, waiting for the games to arrive. Buy your imports from Play Asia!

Zelda Delayed

Someone play a sad song on their ocarina...the new Legend of Zelda game has been delayed until 2006.

Wear a Patch

So Rockstar has released a patch for the PC version of San Andreas that prevents you from using the Hot Coffee patch. OK...wow. Here is what I want to happen: 1) Hackers immediately respond with a patch that prevents the "No More Hot Coffee" patch from working. 2) Rockstar responds with another patch to prevent this patch from working. 3) Process continues ad infinitum.

Meanwhile, Rockstar releases "Hot Coffee" as a separate game for $4.99 and instantly makes a gabillion dollars.

What, Me Nerdy?

Check out my writerly contributions to MAD's current cover story, entitled "The 50 Worst Things About Video Games".

I am so psyched to finally join the Usual Gang of Idiots. A childhood dream come true!

Visit Stackopolis

Here is a cool game to try!

1 and a 2 and a 3

Darkwatch surfaces in stores next week, hopefully the first entry in an awesome new shooter franchise. I've been very excited about this game, as it stars a vampire cowboy who shoots zombies. When I played the game at E3, I found the controls quite clunky, but from what I've read the game has really shaped up. Even though my E3 experience was disappointing, I was psyched about the melee options for the weapons. For instance, your default handguns have blades on the handles, which you can use to slash your enemies when they come in close. The game has a cool premise, a great sense of style, and boobies. I just hope the sequel has pirates in it. Ninja pirates.

Speaking of sequels, I finally finished Halo 2's single-player campaign. (OK, I know I'm way on the outside scoop.) All I can say is, WHAT THE HEY NOW--?! The "ending" isn't an ending at all; it's like the tape in the camera ran out. But that's not the biggest disappointment of the game, IMHO. What really sucks is that you only get to play as Master Chief for half the game. And when you do get to play as Master Chief, you're usually handling the sucky Covenant weapons. And when you play as the Arbiter, you generally use Earth weapons. I found this feature very annoying. Granted, the game has incredible polish, solid control and fantastic visuals. But by the end I found the combat and levels very repetitive, the weapons samey and the story incomprehensible. Not to mention the fact that you only get occasional use of explosive weaponry, which are my favorites! The action setpieces and scenarios were occasionally edge-of-your-seat fun, but overall I was very glad for the game to be over when it "ended". I guess it really is just for multiplayer, after all.

Now on to Midnight Club 3, an awesome racing game that I just tried out for the first time last night. (Thank you, GameFly, for taking a month to send me the damn thing in the mail.) Fun! I love racing games, but I'm not much for tuner fetishism. That said, tooling around with the details of your cars is surprisingly fun. The gameplay is a great mix of arcadey realism, which is just my style. The soundtrack rocks and you get to race in Atlanta! The difficulty feels just about right, too. I haven't had much interest in "street racing" games before, but now I'm hooked, esse!

Culture Clash

Matt Sakey muses about GameTap and game preservation in his Culture Clash column on the IGDA website.

Game Over

Man dies from playing videogames for two days straight. News story here. Those wacky Koreans!

Gamespot on GameTap

Gamespot posted this article on Monday, covering the GameTap launch date and pricing.

"Must Hate Quality"

Well, I'm back from vacation -- saw "Must Love Dogs" with John Cusack and Diane Lane. (Actually, I saw it with my wife and her dad, but you get the idea.) Utter garbage!