Hell Is Other People

So I went to see Doom last night, instead of playing in my usual low-stakes weekly poker tournament. I have to say, I was quite pleased with the film. (Then again, I didn't have very high expectations.) Surprisingly, the beginning of the movie was plodding, but once the action picked up there were a few nice setpieces. The art direction did the franchise justice, as there were a lot of details carefully lifted from the games. For instance, I really liked how all the security panels on the Mars outpost looked just like the ones in Doom 3.

If anything, I was disappointed that the "portal to Hell" aspect of the game was downplayed. No pentagrams or demonic voices or anything, which was a shame. As a result, zombie trope monotony begins to set in towards the end of the movie ("Ohmygod, that dead body was right there. Where did it go? LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!" etc.) instead of what should have been some serious hellspawn action. All told, not a bad movie, as far as videogame films go. The FPS sequence was pretty cool as well. But I still liked the first Resident Evil more.

Lord Henshingly Croft Would Be Proud

It's not too late! Cast your vote for this year's Walk of Game inductees here! And puh-leeze don't vote for EverQuest.

File Under: WTF

Seriously, there are no adjectives available to describe this.

Only in Japan

Here is a PS2 game from Japan in which you must shoot a giant bikini-clad woman in the boobies and the butt with rockets. Riiight. It's called "The Daibijin" -- which, loosely translated, means "I have some serious psycho-sexual issues that need to be addressed."

L@@K! Iron Maiden MIB! RARE!

Earlier this week, I went to a charity auction/dinner in San Francisco sponsored by the Entertainment Software Association. Called "Nite to Unite for Kids", this event is the gaming industry's biggest annual gala/fundraising effort. All the leading executives from the world's largest gaming companies attend. I saw the top dogs from Nintendo, Sony, Atari and so on. George Lucas received an award, which was presented by Hayden Christensen. As my friend Mark said, "It's nice to see the guy finally getting some recognition."

Anyway, what's really important is that there was a silent auction. Look what I won: a giant Iron Maiden action figure!


Fun note: I outbid Tim Schafer (Psychonauts, Day of the Tentacle, etc.) and took home the prize. Sorry, Tim!

Other items up for auction were a lot cooler (and more expensive) than a giant Eddie action figure. A PSP signed by Gwen Stefani, a Star Wars book signed by George Lucas and a Hello Kitty gift pack. Wow!

From the Times

Check out this piece in today's NY Times about GameTap's marketing campaign.

Blast from the Past

OMG: I haven't played Action Blast Land in years, but thanks to the magic of the web, now I can!

Download This!

Here are my photos from the big ol' GameTap-sponsored Download Festival '05 in San Francisco. Best moments of the day include:

- A teenage kid digging on Freeway
- Performance by the Lovemakers (imagine the Human League, sans shirts)
- The Gamer With No Name who came in and quietly beat Gunstar Heroes without uttering a word
- Two boys that appeared to be about ten years old in line for free condoms
- My friend Greg kicking ass at Pac-Man
- The Dome, man! The Dome!

Seriously, GameTap spent a lot of money and effort on what we have been cheerfully calling "the igloo" -- a giant Dome with numerous game stations and a huge 3D projection of the GT interface on the ceiling. Plus, tons of gameplay footage, screenshots and mind-boggling animations. Can you get into a 3D version of the Air-Sea Battle plane zooming 360-degrees around your skull? I can! The pictures I took, which are grainy and blurry, don't really do the Dome justice...but the light levels were really low inside and you could probably only get quality footage with a professional camera.

Too bad that the Doves, a band I really like, were not received with much enthusaism from the crowd. Hence, British crankiness ensued.

All in all, a successful and -- most importantly -- fun event!

Vampires Still Suck

What a disappointment! Darkwatch is a yucky game. Damn. I really, really, really wanted it to be awesome. It's not a bad game per se, but frustrating on so many levels:

- Mindless, endless enemies
- Crappy hit detection
- Boring level design
- Stupid good/evil system
- Dumb plot

The list goes on. Vampire powers are under-utilized. Weapon variety (and innovation)is lacking. The horseback levels, which are total filler, occur in these bizarre, barren environments where train tracks run back and forth between nothingness.

That said, there's a lot of great stuff about Darkwatch, most of which could be salvaged for a sequel. The character designs and atmosphere are both awesome, and the biggest selling points of the game, in my opinion. Screenshots really look great. The game is fast and smooth. The melee system rocks. Knocking a skeleton's head off with the butt of your gun delivers a satisfying crunch. But the game becomes brainless and aimless about four or five hours in. I don't mind a speedfreak shooting gallery, but it gets really frustrating when your bullets seem to be ineffective.

Anyway, I sent it back to GameFly before I even got to the much-ballyhooed sex scene. Far Cry is on its way instead, and I hope it's better!

Malevolent Anthropologist-Torturing Terror

The folks who brought you the brilliant Cyborg Name Decoder have now added a Monster Name Decoder. Check them both at namedecoder.com.

I Can Get Behind This

I never much cared for the White Stripes. I mean, I can appreciate their undeniable cool factor, but I heard White Blood Cells and thought it was just OK. Now, this is back around the time when the "garage rock revolution" was happening, and I'm a guy that likes the Mono Men and all that Estrus junk. So maybe I was just a little skeptical, all right?

(Yeah, but I bought that Strokes CD and I liked it. What can I say?)

So, like, a couple months ago I heard "Blue Orchid" on the the radio and I was like, "Damn, that sounds good." And then I bought the new Audioslave album. But I was in Full Moon Records the other day -- best Atlanta record store and you totally need to check them out -- and they had a copy of Get Behind Me Satan. Since every CD at Full Moon Records is 8 bucks, what did I have to lose?

Well, 'tis not the matter of what I was to lose, but what I was to gain.

Turns out, Get Behind Me Satan is brilliant. I was listening to it in bed the other night and I was thinking, "Is this what White Blood Cells was like? I don't think so!" White Blood Cells was scuzzy and a bit precious, as I recall. Get Behind Me Satan is that as well, but also offbeat and bizarre and sketchbooky and tight all at the same time. And it's got mojo -- you know, that thing Jim Morrison was always after.

Then I went online and read some reviews and it seems that a lot of White Stripes fans were disappointed with Get Behind Me Satan because it was weird, slow and/or just plain bad. Now, I definitely have a contrarian tendency when it comes to music, i.e., that which is deemed "brilliant" is often crapola in my book, and vice-versa. (See my copy of Spit, the Godfather of Smut.)

But waitaminnit, I played the album in the car on the way to work this morning (I didn't necessarily trust my previous nocturnal viewpoint) and it was still great listening, definitely. Blue Orchid, The Nurse, My Doorbell...no, this really is brilliant! I'm completely taken by surprise again. Get Behind Me Satan has a patchwork quality to it, like when you're standing at the bar and you can hear the jukebox...but also the band in the next room and the conversation beside you. Sometimes it sounds like a mish-mash of noise, but other times it all blends together perfectly. That's how I've described the Flaming Lips, and that's how I'd descrie Get Behind Me Satan.

Yeah, it really is cool!

Gee, 4!

So the CEO of G4 vacated his post, "passing the baton" to a marketing guy. This was just a few weeks ago. And it makes sense; the G4 network is struggling and they definitely have to try something/anything to get a rating. There was an old issue of Television Week floating around the office (August 22), which reports that G4 is "shifting its focus" from game-centric programming to lifestyle stuff -- all in an attempt to grab some of the guys tuning in to Adult Swim. Which might explain the somewhat baffling inclusion of a Happy Tree Friends-anchored animated anthology show.

But dare I say it? Smart. Too little too late? Maybe. They should have implemented this kind of programming strategy after they gobbled up TechTV. G4 has been losing viewership (if you can call it that) left and right, and now nobody's watching -- not the shows, not this "shift" in their approach. When you're only in 50+ million homes, you can't screw around.

Anyway, it's an interesting thing to watch. Personally, I'd like to see a games/gadgets/girls channel succeed. But as much as I adore Happy Tree Friends, I don't know if a decapitated bunny is the answer G4 is looking for.

Like Queen...But Good

Check out One Way Ticket, the new single from the Darkness, (exclusively!) on MySpace (?!?). I wish it was more balls-out, but it rocks pretty hard and indicates that the new album will be more of the same big guitar goodness we've come to expect from those crazy Brits.

Zaxxon Roxxorz

A nice take on GameTap can be found here. Can someone tell me what an "O'Reilly Developer Weblog" is?

We Are GO for Launch

The official GameTap website is now up and running with launch content. Check it out and sign up today!

Riggity-Rock

Sweet. The Darkness are coming out with a new album at the end of November. Rawk.

Smiling in Defeat

Even though we didn't win at the Emmys, we had a pretty good time. Check out the pics I took here.

An Honor Just to Be Nominated

Well, the Cartoon Network team behind Operation: B.E.S.T. did not win their technical and engineering Emmy Award. These guys won. Still, it was an interesting event. The men who invented videotape received a lifetime achievement award, and I received a pair of binoculars and a bunch of other schwag. Stay tuned for photos.

Come See, Come Saw

Rocket From the Crypt, the most rockingest band of all time, is playing a farewell show on Halloween. Say it ain't so, Speedo!

Open Letter to EW

Dear Entertainment Weekly:

I have been a subscriber to your magazine for approximately 15 years, and I am a hair's breadth away from letting my subscription lapse. The reason? In my estimation, simply put, your magazine has suffered an unforgivable degradation of editorial quality over the last several years. While Entertainment Weekly is still the best mainstream mag for consumers of mass entertainment, a destructive combination of snark and bile seems to have infected your pages, leaving me mystified and angry when I put down your magazine. And believe me, the speed at which I put it down increases with each passing week.

The prime offenders:
- Self-congratulatory sections such as Rant of the Week, Ask the Critic and What to Watch
- Non-substantive photo captions that only exist to deliver a (generally weak) gag
- Interviews that turn their subjects into a joke, i.e., Stupid Questions
- Indulgent celebrity columns (Stephen King, I love you, but you need to go away)

Each of these elements is relatively harmless independently, but when evaluated together I cannot help but notice the poisonous effect that they have on your magazine. Yes, the requisite cover stories about musician/starlet/TV show du jour are fine, but it is the more insightful pieces (such as your recent profiles of Ray Harryhausen, Mitch Hedberg and this week's standout article about Bob Dylan) that have always allowed Entertainment Weekly to stand out amongst the crowd of entertainment fluff rags. I find that stories such as these are fewer and far between these days.

I hope you will take this criticism to heart -- understanding that I am not the only longtime reader who feels this way -- and also take a hard look at the direction in which your magazine is currently headed. I still believe that Entertainment Weekly is for people who are serious about entertainment. I only wish your editorial braintrust felt the same way.

Most Sincerely,

Poo-Natics

So that awful Loonatics show finally premiered, to the sounds of Mel Blanc and Chuck Jones rolling over in their graves.

Where Does He Get Those Wonderful Toys?

With my wife's blessing, I have a new display at home for my Kubrick figure collection. Check it:


It's not just Kubricks, of course, although Kubricks are my favorite. I'm pretty selective when it comes to which ones I get, and I never get crazy about completing a set (expensive and/or next to impossible). Top Row: some classic Famicom magnet scenes, a couple of Peter Bagge's "Alien Family" figures, the Happy Tree Friends PVC set and some Glico Kubricks (my first!) that came packaged with cookies. Middle Row: Marvel and DC Kubricks (my favorites!), plus a weird bear that a friend brought me from London. Bottom Row: a Japanese baby toy from Bandai, Makibishi Kubricks (Death and ninja cat), Kinnikuman (MUSCLE) Kubricks, Zelda "Four Swords" capsule toys, a couple of the first Evirob Kubricks (which I thought I would like, but I don't), two Smurf Kubricks and some Glico Ultraman figs. Sah-weet!

Intruder Alert!

When I learned how to create my own stained glass this summer, I realized that old school game graphics lent themselves perfectly to the medium.



Look closely and you'll see the humanoid hero from the Atari 2600 port of Berzerk. Viva la geekdom!

The Singing Dictionary

Recently it was brought to my attention that my favorite online dictionary, from Merriam-Webster, provides an audio pronounciation for all the words in the English language. Imagine the voice record sessions for that!

Well, now you can hear the hilarious vocal stylings of Merriam Webster on the "Dictionaraoke" website. OMG "Iron Man" is fantastic. Rock!

Music to Geek Out By

If you haven't already, you really need to pick up the EP from the coolest nerds on the block: 8 Bit Weapon.

Survey Says

Industry insiders weigh in on the Revolution controller. Interesting stuff.

Mario Manga

Some really funny -- and totally bizarre -- manga images featuring Nintendo characters can be found on this Japanese language site.

Revolution Number...WTF?

So, Nintendo revealed their mysterious Revolution controller (above) at this week's Tokyo Game Show. As has become standard by now with Nintendo revelations of this nature, the first reaction is often, "What the hell?" which is quickly followed by, "Nintendo has oatmeal between its ears" and quickly punctuated with the hopeful, "Well, maybe it's genius" and finally culminating in, "Sigh. Poor, stupid Nintendo does it again."

Mind you, I'm about as Nintendo fanboyish as they come. But with each piece of hardware the company puts out, they seem to alienate more and more of their core fanbase. I'm going to buy the Revolution anyway, but does Nintendo REALLY think that the average (translation: mainstream) gamer is really going to have the guts to get within 10 feet of that controller? When the Xbox 360 is so much more accessible? And the PS3 so much more (undoubtedly) versatile?

Not to mention this whole "ultimate backwards compatibility" issue, which clearly won't be free and is really just sad, in my opinion. Nintendo, who hasn't had a good original franchise since Pokemon (sorry, Pikimin) and relies way too much on its back catalog, is using it's ENTIRE DUSTY LIBRARY as a selling point for this new console. It's a value-add, and a great one at that, but not the main reason to buy the thing. People want new games, not old ones.

God, Nintendo is so frustrating.

Obviously, the company is still making money. It has successful games on the market (Nintendogs, Pokemon, RE4) and has a few amazing titles on the way (Zelda, at least). Nintendo makes the best and most polished first-party games in the business. I will never hate Nintendo. I just hope I can like them again.

What The--?!

If you haven't already, you should totally get goatz! (It's extreme.)

Buzz, Buzz

Some nice mentions of GameTap here and here.

Me No Like Bugs

So I found one of these crawling in my yard not too long ago. It's a Hickory Horned Devil, and it's a very large -- and totally harmless -- caterpillar. But since I have a "bug thing" it really gave me a start. I did a little nosing around on the web and discovered that it is a common sight to see one of these down south in August and September. Special thanks to What's That Bug? for their assistance in identifying this bizarro creature.

Too Bad It's Not Linkin Park

Great variation on the "hit the thing as far as possible" genre: see how far you can dropkick the Faint. Yes, that's right: hit the members of the band as far as you can.

Actually, I think this game belongs in the "inexplicable" genre.

Truth in Advertising

Jesus, pop-up ads sure are getting depressing!

3.14

I just finished reading "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel. It's a fascinating novel, really well-written, thought-provoking, problematic and totally engrossing. The ending was particularly controversial in my house.

The high-concept pitch is: a young boy survives a shipwreck and winds up in a lifeboat with an adult Bengal tiger. While there is a "man vs. nature" survival aspect to the book, it's also a meditation on religion, God, zoos, storytelling and family. There are surprising laugh-out-loud moments, too. I found the author's writing style to be very similar to Kurt Vonnegut's, a favorite of mine.

Anyway, it's not a perfect book but certainly an enjoyable one and extremely well done. It will provoke many a conversation with other readers of the book, indicated by the numerous Life of Pi "book club guides" available on the web.

Side note: The story is pretty much unfilmmable as a live-action movie. That said, I think it could make an excellent animated film in the right hands. I cannot stop thinking about what it would be like to see what Hayao Miyazaki would do with the source material. All the Miyazaki elements are there: child protagonist, ocean, the animal kingdom, nature, surreal settings, the bizarre combination of "benevolent malevolence" that you see in all his work. I want to see this movie! How can I get him to read the book???

Worst Headline Ev@r!

Just when you think Nintendo is going to get sidelined (again), they pull a fastball like this out of their hip pocket. Nintendogs looks likely to be a big hit, with 15% of DS owners picking it up in the first week of release. OK, so that means about 90 people bought it? ZING!

Suburb Thugs Unite

My sister auditioned for Freestyle 59, which is an "American Idol" style show on VH1 for rappers. (You have to send in a 59-second rap on a video.) Anyway, she didn't make the cut, but they posted her tape in the "Suburb Thuggin" category. Scroll down and feel MC Flow's flow...

Hulk (Is A) Smash!

OK, so: like, did you ever want to play a game in which you could run around and destroy buildings, then blow up a bus and smash someone with it and then like, run really fast and jump into the air and fling the bus at a helicopter so that the helicopter explodes, and then use the flaming wreckage of the helicopter to blow up another car, which you can use as like, brass knuckles to lay waste to a gas station? Oh, and flatten some cops with a tank?

Then, boy, do I have the game for you!!!

Mari-Oh My

Wow, you can watch the Super Mario Brothers Super Show online at Yahooligans! (You can also find the Legend of Zelda cartoon, if you have the courage. And a mirror shield.)

Both cartoons were produced by DIC, which in the animation community stands for "Do It Cheap".

The Terrible Secret of Space

Do you know the Terrible Secret of Space? The terrible secret is that the Pusher Robot is an asshole and the Shover Robot can't drive.

Mega Mania

This is funny.

Props Received > Props Given

A big shout-out to the folks at Netjak for their positively humbling review of the "50 Worst" piece. I am not familiar with Netjak, but I'm psyched that they enjoyed the article so much! I will be visitng their site in the future. Thanks, guys!

Ninten-D'oh!

Nintendo has cut the price of its handheld DS console from $149 to $129.

I bought a DS last week. Of course.

Why did I buy a DS, you ask? One word: Electroplankton. This game -- if you can even call it that -- features microscopic muscical critters making Nintendo sound collages. I saw it at GDC, and my nerdar definitely went off. After seeing more of the game and reading a few reviews, I decided that Electroplankton was the killer DS app that I had been waiting for! It's a Japan-only release for now, so I bought the import. Good thing the DS is not region protected!

I also got Jump Super Stars, a "Super Smash Bros." style fighting game with manga characters. There's dozens of properties in the game, many of which I've never heard of! It looks totally fun. And unlike Electroplankton, Jump Super Stars will almost certainly never get a release in the US. In fact, I'm skeptical that Electroplankton will ever come out stateside, which is why I snatched up the import.

I am currently staring at my mailbox, waiting for the games to arrive. Buy your imports from Play Asia!

Zelda Delayed

Someone play a sad song on their ocarina...the new Legend of Zelda game has been delayed until 2006.

Wear a Patch

So Rockstar has released a patch for the PC version of San Andreas that prevents you from using the Hot Coffee patch. OK...wow. Here is what I want to happen: 1) Hackers immediately respond with a patch that prevents the "No More Hot Coffee" patch from working. 2) Rockstar responds with another patch to prevent this patch from working. 3) Process continues ad infinitum.

Meanwhile, Rockstar releases "Hot Coffee" as a separate game for $4.99 and instantly makes a gabillion dollars.

What, Me Nerdy?

Check out my writerly contributions to MAD's current cover story, entitled "The 50 Worst Things About Video Games".

I am so psyched to finally join the Usual Gang of Idiots. A childhood dream come true!

Visit Stackopolis

Here is a cool game to try!

1 and a 2 and a 3

Darkwatch surfaces in stores next week, hopefully the first entry in an awesome new shooter franchise. I've been very excited about this game, as it stars a vampire cowboy who shoots zombies. When I played the game at E3, I found the controls quite clunky, but from what I've read the game has really shaped up. Even though my E3 experience was disappointing, I was psyched about the melee options for the weapons. For instance, your default handguns have blades on the handles, which you can use to slash your enemies when they come in close. The game has a cool premise, a great sense of style, and boobies. I just hope the sequel has pirates in it. Ninja pirates.

Speaking of sequels, I finally finished Halo 2's single-player campaign. (OK, I know I'm way on the outside scoop.) All I can say is, WHAT THE HEY NOW--?! The "ending" isn't an ending at all; it's like the tape in the camera ran out. But that's not the biggest disappointment of the game, IMHO. What really sucks is that you only get to play as Master Chief for half the game. And when you do get to play as Master Chief, you're usually handling the sucky Covenant weapons. And when you play as the Arbiter, you generally use Earth weapons. I found this feature very annoying. Granted, the game has incredible polish, solid control and fantastic visuals. But by the end I found the combat and levels very repetitive, the weapons samey and the story incomprehensible. Not to mention the fact that you only get occasional use of explosive weaponry, which are my favorites! The action setpieces and scenarios were occasionally edge-of-your-seat fun, but overall I was very glad for the game to be over when it "ended". I guess it really is just for multiplayer, after all.

Now on to Midnight Club 3, an awesome racing game that I just tried out for the first time last night. (Thank you, GameFly, for taking a month to send me the damn thing in the mail.) Fun! I love racing games, but I'm not much for tuner fetishism. That said, tooling around with the details of your cars is surprisingly fun. The gameplay is a great mix of arcadey realism, which is just my style. The soundtrack rocks and you get to race in Atlanta! The difficulty feels just about right, too. I haven't had much interest in "street racing" games before, but now I'm hooked, esse!

Culture Clash

Matt Sakey muses about GameTap and game preservation in his Culture Clash column on the IGDA website.

Game Over

Man dies from playing videogames for two days straight. News story here. Those wacky Koreans!

Gamespot on GameTap

Gamespot posted this article on Monday, covering the GameTap launch date and pricing.

"Must Hate Quality"

Well, I'm back from vacation -- saw "Must Love Dogs" with John Cusack and Diane Lane. (Actually, I saw it with my wife and her dad, but you get the idea.) Utter garbage!

My Oh Mayan!

In other news, Mel Gibson attempts to corner the "movies in a dead language" market by filming his new project, Apocalypto, in a Mayan dialect. (I'm still waiting for Lethal Weapon 4 to be re-released in Orcish.)

On a side note, doesn't "Apocalypto" sound like the name of a He-Man villain?

Thanks, Grandma

Some old lady sued Rockstar over the GTA sex scandal. Give me a break. News item here.

Doomed?

Just watched the Doom trailer. Looks like it's going to be a b-grade schlockfest. I can't wait!!!

Rapper in the Family

Well, hot damn. My sister is a rapper!

Nintendo Pics

I finally posted my pictures of the Nintendo World Store from my most recent trip to NYC. The day I went to check out the store, the heavens opened up with a terrible rainstorm and I got totally drenched. Was it worth it? Well, I bought a T-Shirt.

My basic impression was: the store was cool, but probably not worth the enormous sum Nintendo is likely spending on the Rockefeller Center real estate. Aside from the cool egg-shaped game stations, there was very little to get excited about.

I <3 I <3 Huckabees

We just watched I <3 Huckabees and I thought it was brilliant! My father-in-law saw it in the theater and thought it was "the worst movie ever." I am glad I did not take his word for it, even though I trust his taste in movies.

The Dull Knight Returns

So I read Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder #1, the first installment in DC's new "All Star" line. The comic is drawn by Jim Lee, who did a great job with Batman in Hush, and Frank Miller, of recent Sin City fame.

In my opinion, Frank Miller is good, but criminally overrated. After reading this "All Star" Batman comic, however, I think he might be terrible. This was a truly BAD comic book. New take on Batman? Not sure, but he appears to be an asshole. New take on Robin? We're not given any cause to care that his parents are killed for no apparent reason right in front of him. (And who comes from a family of acrobats? Are his cousins pirates?) Vicki Vale? Stereotype. Villain? MIA. But don't worry, there's plenty of cliche dialogue to go around.

Bad, bad, bad. Thrown together bad. How many times will we have to suffer through Batman's origin, anyway? Batman Begins was really good...don't push your luck. If this is supposed to compete with Marvel's superb line of Ultimates books, the House of M has nothing to worry about.

Battle of Stupid Band Names

I propose a fight between Japanese metalheads Sex Machine Guns and Aussie weirdos Machine Gun Fellatio.

Sex Machine Guns, by the way, have a song about oranges that is supposedly awesome.

Grand Theft Porno

This is what they're making the big deal about? A) There's quite a few more appalling things that occur in San Andreas. B) The video in question was only accessible with a hack. C) It's a game for GROWN-UPS. But as always, people can blow the shit out of each other all over the TV, but stick one penis in a vagina...and look out!

The most appalling thing of all is that CJ never takes his pants off! Talk about doing it "G Style"!

Poppin' & Lockin'

Watch this. Wow!

DirecTV Will Kick My Ass

Here is the press release regarding the Technical Emmy nominations.

What's in a Name?

I just got a copy of Guild Wars, the MMORPG for people who don't like MMORPGs. It will be interesting to see what it's like. More on that later.

My character is a warrior named Rystan Ragar. If you catch the references, you are a dork!

Name generation doesn't come so easy to everyone. And that's why there's a fantasy character name generator on teh internetz.

My Office Could Beat Up Your Office

Well, my office (which I share with fellow writer, Richard) is finally getting into shape! We've inherited a lovely console wall and a nifty flatscreen TV, both handed down to me by my supervisor, who recently had to relocate to a new building.

The console wall includes the following systems: Atari 2600, Intellivision, Colecovision, Master System, Genesis (w/SEGA CD), Saturn, Dreamcast, 3DO, NES, SNES, N64, XBox, PSX, PS2 and GameCube. We also have an assortment of "plug and play" controllers of both the authentic and bootleg variety. Mind you, not all of these systems are hooked up. We're getting to that.

We also now have the room for a fine display of my toys, from Viewtiful Joe bobbleheads to imported Nintendo magnet scenes from Japan. These are the important things in life, let's face it.

Here is my desk, where the magic of "content creation" happens. For the record, "content creation" also happens in the Men's Room down the hall, so let's not get too excited. Note the awesome E.T. mobile from eBay and the fine Space Invaders wall decals.

(You can purchase those cool decals from Blik.)

I won't lie: nice work if you can get it, kids!

The Most Beautiful Machine

No, it's not the iPod...it's this. Press the history eraser button!

Gamefried

Gamefly, an online service similar to Netflix but for videogames, is great in theory. However, I think their only warehouse is on the west coast...or possibly on the moon. I've been waiting for "Midnight Club 3" for almost a month. It never showed up the first time, so I had to report a delivery problem. And so I wait...and wait. This is not the first time this has happened to me. Their used prices, on the other hand, are awesome. And you always get a pristine box and manual, so it's like buying new!

Shark Tool

In case you care about computer-animated features starring fish: Finding Nemo is great. Shark Tale, which I just rented from Netflix, is unwatchable. After Will Smithfish said "dawg" for the 15th time, we turned it off.

Operation: E.M.M.Y.

Cartoon Network New Media has recieved its first-ever Emmy nomination, in the category of (ahem) Outstanding Achievement in Advanced Media Technology for the Non-Synchronous Enhancement of Original Television Content. That category is so cool, I'm going to put it on a T-Shirt!

The nominee was none other than Operation: B.E.S.T. -- a Kids Next Door promotion that took up way too much of my spare time for a good part of 2004. It was a very ambitious project and I'm glad it has received some recognition. Though I helped craft the game's story and wrote all the dialogue, none of it would have been possible without the support of Tom Warburton and the folks on the show. Not to mention the on-air elements, which were updated daily (DAILY) during the stunt itself with scores from the kids playing the game. An insane project!

You can try the game and create your own operative here.

Hooray for Non-Synchronous Enhancement!

Space Opera? Yes; Family Guy? No

Every once and a while, one comes across a funny Amazonian with quirky and entertaining opinions. Dig the reviews of Family Guy and of a sci-fi novel bought in a supermarket. Plus: a scathing appraisal of Jilly Boel!

Even more hilarious if you pretend that the author went to elementary school with Lyle Lovett, and Lyle Lovett beat him up every day. Or maybe the author is Julia Roberts...?

Robots of Color

This is a wicked cool animation called TRUE COLOR, created by a bunch of French art students.

High Hopes, Gamma Bomb Edition

The classic letdown of gaming is the licensed franchise title -- all too often, a game featuring your favorite movie/TV/comic book character is a crappy cash-in offering virtually nothing in the way of high-quality gameplay. Sure, there are the exceptions (Goldeneye, X-Men Legends), but most of the time this stuff is garbage. And the game publishers keep making 'em because people keep buying 'em.

That said, I can't help but get excited for a licensed game when it looks like this. Sure, us comic book nerds have been let down a million times before, but Hulk Ultimate Destruction looks like it's going to be a pretty fun explode-a-thon.

Best part is when Hulk tears a car in two and turns the pieces into a giant pair of "knuckle dusters" (a phrase learned from my colleague, Richard).

Adult Swim: Extreme Makeover Edition

Hey, nice! The official Adult Swim website just got a redesign. I don't care what anyone says, I'm still proud of this game, even though it would have been a whole lot funnier with sperm shooting lasers.

Hot Potato

Forget Bejeweled...this is the hottest Flash game on the web!

A Foo-Note

All copy protection aside, would just like to note that the big surprise of the new Foo Fighters album is the "acoustic" second disc, which I am enjoying much more than the "electric" first disc. I heard the single, "Best of You" (electric), on the radio last week and found it so-so at best. Upon buying the album, I was correct: the song is a 3-minute crescendo and quite annoying. Disappointment! Some of the other songs on the first disc are good, but I haven't really paid it much attention since the second disc is so much better.

If you want some REAL rock, do yourself a favor and pick up Rhino's reissue of Gang of Four's Entertainment! It's a rock critic's darling for a reason. Listen to it once and you'll find out why it's better than London Calling.

Fool Fighters

The stupidity of the music industry never ceases to amaze me...especially as it relates to digital rights management. Let me first explain that, as a content creator myself, I understand the need for people/artists/organizations (even mean ol' media titans) to protect their intellectual property. And, as a general rule, I don't download copyrighted material from the web illegally. That said, I totally understand the appeal, especially for the "poor college student" types. But I personally frown upon it and don't succumb to the temptation. (The arcade ROMs that I may or may not have obtained in my day being an obvious exception.)

So I got the new Foo Fighters double album, In Your Honor ($17.99 at Borders), and immediately tried to import it into my iTunes. The sound files were all corrupted and fucked up. I remembered this happening previously with the Velvet Revolver album and a Sahara Hotnights CD that I bought, two bands that I like, but not so much that I really care whether or not they are in my iPod. Foo Fighters, on the other hand, are a fan fave -- who wouldn't want their latest double CD in their iTunes? Apparently, the answer is the executives at RCA, because they made it unbelievably difficult for fans (who buy their music legally) to enjoy the Foo Fighters in whatever format they choose.

Next step was to go on the web to troll message boards for the answer. Because there's ALWAYS an answer, you stupid music companies. No matter how high you build that wall, or how complicated your encryption is, there's always going to be a way to get around it. For example: hold the SHIFT key when you insert the CD for the first time to override the media license. (Some dude on boards.musiccompaniesareidiots.com explains that if you try this trick AFTER you've already obtained the music license, it won't work.) You can also try ripping the files to your PC, burning a new copy, and importing that version into iTunes. Or, barring all else, you can simply go on to kazaa and download the shit for free. Gee, I wonder what most people will do?

Stupid music companies.

Without a clear solution at this point, I'm really starting to burn up. Here I've gone and spent about $20 on a new CD (most old DVD movies are cheaper) and now I'm being punished for being a good little copyright citizen because I want to take my music on the road. Long story short, I finally ripped the audio tracks but accidentally ripped the encrypted ones. So the CDs that I burned behaved the same way as the originals. However, by going into the root directory of the CD and ripping the .wma files I was able to burn unencrypted versions of both discs which were easily imported into iTunes. This process of trial and error took only about 1.5 hours.

Stupid music companies.

Wow, wouldn't it be great to offer a DRM solution that is compatible with iPods? I guess RCA doesn't give a damn. Hell, you can go buy the album from iTunes if you want a compatible version. Well, what if I want to play the CD in a CD player? Buy that shit, too! Double the money for RCA! Hmmm, maybe it's a sound business plan, after all. Nice job, RCA. You've managed to piss off just about everyone. Best part about it is, the kids on the message boards blame the Foo Fighters for this irritation, and the band probably had little or nothing to do with it. So the band is probably angry, too! Ack...I've wasted enough time with all this.

Stupid music companies.

A Few Quick Ones

War of the Worlds: great. Mario Golf Advance Tour: awesome. Bewitched: surprisingly funny. Rafting down the Ocoee River: recommended. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle: dude!

Attack of the Outside Scoop

Found totally at random after I did a Google search for "ninja" -- no, really -- a surprisingly awesome online multiplayer Flash game made in support of the not surprisingly bad movie, Elektra. Take solace in this, Elektra: at least you were better than Daredevil. (Prettier, too!)

Well, I guess I'll have to check out the Fantastic Four movie game as well!

Damn you, Richards!!!

Tetris for Dummies

Can you handle...EXTREME TETRIS?!?

Read This

Nice Gamasutra interview with Blake Lewin about GameTap. Please read.

LOL-Aid

Cinema Geek Time

I watched "House of Flying Daggers" last night and, I must admit, I found it totally disappointing. Let me first proclaim my cinemaphile street cred by stating that I saw two of Zhang Yimou's earlier films -- "The Story of Qiu Ju" and "Shanghai Triad" -- in the theater. I loved both of these movies, but "Shanghai Triad" in particular is notable for being one of the coolest gangster movies ever. Earlier this year I watched "Hero" on DVD and loved it (one cannot go to the cinema much when one has a young child). So, needless to say, I had very high hopes for "House of Flying Daggers" -- especially after all the glowing reviews it received. Sure, it was a movie better than most, but when you compare it to the films mentioned above, it was a downer. The movie starts out great, especially the "blind drum" scene in the brothel. But the questionable allegiances of the characters gets confusing, and the constant revelations and switcheroos grow tiresome. My biggest gripe is the introduction of the love triangle late in the game, which feels forced and unearned. And for the first time, Zhang Yimou's beautiful color palette choices seem gimmicky instead of clever. A pooper.

But the fight scene in the bamboo forest is pretty darn cool.

I <3 Internet

Sorry to disappoint you, but I just bought that E.T. Atari Game Video Store Display Mobile that you saw on eBay. Maybe next time, sucka!

Batman Beguiles

For Father's Day, I went to see Batman Begins with my wife. I was blown away. The movie does what no comic book film has done before: grounds the story in a fantasy world that still feels remarkably plausible, while staying completely true to the source material (even enhancing it at times). Spider-Man, which I adored, had a "gee-whiz" aspect to it, something that felt right for the world of Peter Parker but would have been totally out of place here. Batman Begins is a dark film (quite literally) and a lot more "real". That is, Bruce Wayne's motivations are established in such a way that I related to him more than I ever had in the Tim Burton Batman movies. The psychology of the character, while pretty straightforward, is not built in broad-stroke comic book fashion, but rather in a very cinematic way. I guess I would attribute this to the director, Chris Nolan, who obviously had to fight the urge to get goofy with it. Although I love the 60s Adam West Batman TV show, it has unfortunately sparked the assumption that the Dark Knight must always be relegated to the world of the absurd. Even the stupid New Yorker critic wondered where all the "humor" went. Sorry, pal, but Batman was never about humor. He's a dark and humorless character, in the best sense of the word, and this is the first piece of cinema to really do him justice. I can't wait to see it again!

Armageddon It

I don't know how I missed it all these years, but the Worms franchise totally rocks! I recently started playing Worms 2, and I can't stop!!! You know, I probably wasn't interested because it's always been marketed as a "strategy" game, a genre I've never cared for. Though strategy plays a crucial role, Worms is mostly all about the action and blowing crap up. The weapons and distinctly English humor are also a big plus. I picked up Worms Armageddon for PS1, which is essentially an upgrade of Worms 2. Worms get!!!

Fuck Yeah!

You really owe it to yourself to see "Team America: World Police" on DVD. It's the best marionette-based comedy that I've ever seen.

So Can I Have Innovation's CD Collection?

According to Shigeru Miyamoto, innovation in videogames is on life support. Read this article from CNN Money for more from the man himself.

Vixens with All the Fixin's

So I just watched G4's "Videogame Vixens" special -- the first of four episodes devoted to digital T&A. Not surprising that it was terrible, since it's very hard to make videogames "sexy" (especially when Japanese developers are involved) or "politically correct". Some of the jokes were actually pretty funny (on paper), but on the whole it was the perfect example of pandering at its most embarrassing. Feel bad for Seanbaby. Feel bad for Hal Sparks. Don't feel bad for the guy DJing for no reason and the chick who was dancing in a thong throughout the proceedings -- they were just stupid. Add another log to the "why women and parents hate videogames" fire. Let it burn.

Best in Show (Dogs Optional)

The site Cheap Ass Gamer gave GameTap much props when it nominated it for "Best in Show" at E3 2005. Nice! Those interested in Beta testing the service can sign up at GameTap's official site and click on the link in the bottom-right corner of the screen.

GameTap also received kudos from Gamerz-Edge and Digital Entertainment News.

Rage Against the Media

I am pleased to report that the new Audioslave record ("Out of Exile") is as good as I had hoped it would be, which is a rock 'n' roll blessing. The promise of the "Your Time Has Come" single is definitely realized across the board. Granted, I bought the darn CD yesterday so I need to give it a few more listens, but if you liked the debut you're sure to like the new one. Surprisingly, "Out of Exile" has some really upbeat and (dare I say) sunny moments, especially on "Be Yourself" -- a catchy number with cornball lyrics that is sure to become a summer staple on rock radio. This positive turn is a little bit unexpected, but honestly, how long can one seriously Rage Against the Machine?

(I am reminded of a funny sitcom idea I had, in which Zach De La Rocha is forced to room with The Machine. In the pilot episode, Zach gets angry at The Machine for leaving his dirty dishes lying around and for putting a glass on the coffee table without using a coaster.)

I will continue to argue that Audioslave is better than the sum of its parts, even though I have always liked Soundgarden and, to a lesser extent, Rage. Chris Cornell is, IMHO, one of the best rock frontmen ever, and he's a total powerhouse with Tom Morello and gang backing him up. Audioslave will be criticized by snobs for being a 90s throwback or simply boring, which makes me mad as a hatter.

Which brings me to the reviews. The ones I've seen in the mainstream media have been little more than lukewarm, which surprises me. Entertainment Weekly, a stupid magazine that practically ejactulated on the first album, gives "Out of Exile" a C+. Rolling Stone, which I haven't read in years but generally votes every album a classic, doesn't do much better. What is this all about? Am I just getting old?

Entertainment Weekly...now there's a topic for a rant.

Blade Sucks

Just got finished watching the glorious nonsense that is Blade: Trinity. Unlike so-bad-they're-bad movies like Underworld, Van Helsing and that putrid Resident Evil sequel, Blade: Trinity is quite entertaining in its awfulness. The dialogue is stupid, the acting is all over the place, and Wesley Snipes spends the entire movie looking like he just smelled a fart. But the fight scenes! They sure are carefully orchestrated! (I was half expecting Blade to go fix himself a bowl of cereal in slo-mo.) Not to mention the embarrassing appearances by Parker Posey, Natasha Lyonne and Not Jason Lee. Worth a gander if you like the other Blade movies, hip soundtracks or slo-mo.

My Kind of Robot Chicken

New anime that I'm totally ga-ga for: Panda-Z. Bandai's website is here. What's the set-up? Easy: cute little panda pilots giant robot panda and saves day. Great toys from the show are available at your favorite nerd toy store. My favorite nerd toy store? Why, Toy Tokyo, of course!

Top 3 at E3

I'm not going to elaborate right now, but this is my vote for the big winners at this year's E3, a show at which many people said there were not too many clear winners:

1. PS3 - Killzone 2 trailer rocks the house
2. Full Auto - best playable Xbox360 game, and awesome in its own right
3. Game Boy Micro - sure, it's a novelty...but an awesome novelty

Granted, I didn't have the patience to wait for Zelda and there were a lot of playable games only available to journalists.

E3 2005

I'm back from E3! Check out my pictures from the event. We went to Berkeley right afterwards for a wedding, so you can see some of those pics, too. Be warned: those pictures feature fewer booth babes.

Maybe His Name Should Be "Effexor Man"

Another funny bit of Engrish, this time from a Japanese wrestling game called "Exciting Hour".

Lock!!!

This is a really funny bit of Engrish that I just found in the obscure Japanese arcade game entitled "Act-Fancer Cybernetick Hyper Weapon" -- check out the targeting readout:





That giant robot totally rocks!!! And what else would you expect from a guy named "Act-Fancer Cybernetick Hyper Weapon"? That title will totally rip your balls off, dude!

MTV360

I watched tonight's goofball MTV special unveiling of Microsoft's new Xbox console, the Xbox360. No matter what your impression is of the console itself -- big whoop, IMHO -- you have to admit that the programming "special" was nothing but a hilarious marketing circle jerk. They'll probably sell like hotcakes. Y'know, for all the kids who can afford brand-new consoles and pricey games that look about as good as current games and an HDTV screen with surround sound and broadband. Whee!

Worst Album Cover Ever?

Came across this album on Amazon...long story. Check it out!





What happened to Larry King? He appears to be screaming in pain. Perhaps he was struck in the side of the head by a stray toucan?

Totally Sweet Game!

Holy crap, I just played this game and just about flipped out from its awesomeness. Be careful because your ass might totally explode when you try it.

Audioslave r0xx0rZ!

I'm a little beside myself with excitement regarding the upcoming release of the new Audioslave album (May 24). Big rock doesn't get any better than this.

Totally Sweet

This title screen just about says it all...





From the Atari 7800, yo!