G4: Brilliant or Just Pandering?

How about this promo for an upcoming episode of G4TV's "The Block" --

You know things are gonna get snow-meltingly hot when the Vivid Girls check into The Block! Check out the no-holds barred action as porn stars Kayden Kross, Brea Lynn and Cassidey visit the snowboarders' hotel for a steamy photo shoot.

But it's not all snowboarding, hot-tubbing, partying, and posing for the Vivid Girls: Things go off the rails quick when an adult-video vixen falls for Michael! The sparks are gonna fly, homie.

As always, we're steezin' for no reason up on The Block. Don't miss it.

Actually, I believe G4 is, in fact, steezin' for a reason. They need viewers. Bad.

For Whom the Phone Rings

Sad, funny or both? Check out these Metallica ringtones for some truly hilarious (and downright depressing) examples of exactly what a band sounds like when it exchanges the final vestiges of its dignity for cold, hard, cash. Yes, the guys who brought you "Battery" and "The Four Horsemen" now bring you, "Hey, this is James from Metallica. I'm in your purse. Answer the phone!"

(Thanks to all the Jillies for the laughs!)

Tyra on WoW

Incredible video here of a segment from the so-bad-it's-good Tyra Banks talk show. Watch as a young man chooses his young bride and infant daughter over his World of Warcraft account. Good choice, dude!

What's so amazing is that there is no talk of moderation. Gee, maybe 40 hours a week is not what a young father should be spending with ANY activity, much less an evil video game? But games are so stigmatized, it's time to shred the CDs! Take that, video games!

(Of course, they should have had the poor guy ceremoniously uninstall the game from his hard drive instead of shred the discs. But that wouldn't have been good TV, now would it?)

In my favorite episode of Tyra's show, she takes some people who have irrational phobias (clowns, ovens, styrofoam) and makes them face their fears in the most seriously straightfaced manner possible. When clowns arrive to prance around the stage to the tune of scary, scary music, I nearly fell out of my chair. Now THAT'S good TV.

Target Targets Gamers

In case you don't play Maple Story (and Dear Lord, why wouldn't you?), there's some pretty sweet in-game advertising to be found in the little burb of Kerning City:


I guess Target is interested in going after potty-mouthed prepubescent cosplayers. Makes total sense. When one gamer saw me (in screenshot, above) standing next to that nifty Target kiosk, he proclaimed, "hahahahah he wants noob lewtlololol!"

Justify My Love

A kindly gentleman (and game designer) by the name of Chris Avellone has done a very good job of sorta explaining what exactly it is that I do on a daily basis. Perhaps I cannot, in good faith, debate the merits of the Battlestar Pegasus over those of the Nostromo*, but I can tell you which member of the Ponypuff Princess club is Asian, and which one is African-American.** As Avellone so succinctly puts it:

So my advice for any aspiring members of game development is pretty simple. If you’re a nerd, keep being a nerd.

Amen, brother. Now back to more cartoons and TV and things. What was Samurai Jack's first cousin's name, again?

*I know some dudes at Comic-Con who can probably settle this debate
**Lee Lee is Asian and Mee Mee is African-American

8-Bit Operator of Pocket Calculator

My nerdometer went into overdrive upon seeing the news of this upcoming album from Astralwerks. Chiptune covers of Kraftwerk? It's like music geeks and game geeks made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sign me up! Releases on Feb 6.

Top 5 Retro

The dudes over at Hardcore Gamer bring us a special retro issue this month! (As of this post, it's not up on their site yet, but I'm sure it will be soon.) Thankfully, the editors eschew the predictable accolades for their "Top" lists, instead asking their contributors to each pick five of their favorite games that don't usually make those "Best Of" issues. Some great examples include Impossible Mission for the C64, The Adventures of Lolo on the NES, and even Night Driver for the Atari 2600! These were just some of my faves, and if you're a classic gamer, probably some of yours, too.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to choose my obscure "Top 5" -- so here they are, in no particular order...

1. Beyond Castle Wolfenstein (Apple IIe) - This game didn't just have an amazing objective (kill Hitler) but incredible gameplay, too. Sneaking into Hitler's base, stealing uniforms and passes, bribing guards...this was sophisticated stuff on an Apple IIe, and made for a tense experience way beyond anything available at the time. Not to mention randomly generated maps and synthesized speech: "Halt! Vassus pass!" (German for, "Stop! Let me see your pass!") And when you shoot the guys at the desks, they fall down dead in such definitive fashion, you feel like a total badass. Sam Fisher could learn a thing or two from this game!

2. Super Dodgeball (NES) - From the same crazy Japanese dudes that brought us River City Ransom, another game that might as well be on this list. But for now, let's look at Super Dodgeball, a game that is still fun to play today and has yet to be duplicated. Sure, they put out an upgraded version for the GBA, but it just didn't capture the magic of running up to the line, jumping high in the air, and pelting your enemies with a ball that moves so fast it turns into a frisbee. And at the end, fight shadow versions of yourselves! What could be better than that?

3. Elevator Action (arcade) - This game ate so many of my quarters. At the time, when most arcade games were simply about "clearing levels" Elevator Action crafted a simple scenario that any young kid could truly get behind: You're a spy. Break into the office. Steal the files. Kill the bad guys. Escape. Agent 17 (Codename: Otto) had very limited animation, but just crouching down and firing your gun felt so cool that you could do it all day long. Marvel as the enemy bullets just graze the top of your skull! Man, it's cool to be a secret agent. I'm so glad the pharmacy next to the shoe store had this game, because I could play it while my little sister looked for new Mary Janes with my mom.

4. Pressure Cooker (Atari 2600) - I try not to miss any opportunity to extol the virtues of this Activision classic. Objective: build the burgers to order. Ingredients are as follows: onions, lettuce, tomotatoes, cheese. Once properly constructed, deliver burger to appropriate conveyer belt. Repeat. The game starts out simple and gets pretty crazy. The music is awesome. And it was designed by Garry KITCHEN! How appropriate is that? I think this gem was overlooked as a Burgertime clone, but it's really so much more than that. Fire up Stella (or GameTap) and give it a go. And check this out: when you get an ingedient you don't want, send it back by bouncing it off your belly!

5. Diddy Kong Racing (N64) - My controversial point of view is that this racer was actually superior to Mario Kart 64, at least as far as single player goes. I poured hours and hours into this title, and never actually defeated the final race. As I recall, it was excrutiatingly difficult...you had to make an impeccable run and make not one mistake. In any event, the game was really well done. Nice graphics, funny characters, awesome music, unlockables, and a feature that was truly a design feat: once beating the tracks with the default vehicle, you could go back and race them with another vehicle, such as a plane or a hovercraft. This opened up new pathways and items. How Rare managed to balance this, and still make it fun, I have no idea. I recently noticed that a DS version of this game is coming out soon, so maybe it will get its overdue props.

Top Five Runners-Up: Wacky Races (Dreamcast), Double Dragon II (NES), Ice Climber (NES), Archon (Apple IIe), Gorf (arcade).

Super Deluxe

Out in the world of broadband entertainment, Super Deluxe has quietly planted its comedy flag between the buttcheeks of online America -- having launched just yesterday. I don't know if it is funny, yet. But it sure is live! Check it out.

Wowee

Here is a great little think piece on the positives and pitfalls of WoW. Oh, and by the way, Joystiq reports that some dude in France already reached the new level cap of 70, a mere 28 hours after the release of the Burning Crusade expansion. Wow, indeed.

This Rox

My friend Kellam sent this link to me. The developers call it a "virtual toy" and the description is apt. Click the dudes and the objects and watch them fly. Have fun!

Borat Bunnies

Staying fairly topical, the Starz bunnies have just done Borat with some pretty ticklish results. You know, it's not like the funniest thing ever or anything, but the bunnies consistently make me laugh every time. It must be the squeaky voices.

When In Rome

Katie recommends this excellent Gamasutra article about localizing popular brands for different areas of the world. Frankly, it's somewhat terrifying!

Q: Do you know what they call Darth Vader in France?
A: Dark Vador (with Cheese)

Also found while reading above: Acclaim is pulling a phoenix act, and they're developing free MMOs (supported by ad revenue). Gamasutra has this interview with Howard Marks, new chief of Acclaim Games.

Game Trailers

Speaking of Apple, did you know that you can watch game trailers on Apple's site, in addition to the movie trailers? I had no idea.

It's-a Me, Moneybags!

Joystiq reports that Nintendo has raised its 2007 profit estimates to $1.5B, an increase of 28% (!!!) over previous estimates. That is a lot of gold coins, my friends.

iWant

Meet the iPhone!

Finetune Playlist

I made a Finetune playlist! Check it out here, or in the sidebar of my blog page.

College Saga

This is an absolutely hilarious live-action spoof of Final Fantasy. Well done, Mark Leung!

Wii Music Player

Many game sites have been reporting on the Finetune Music Player built specifically for the Wii Opera browser. With big, dumb buttons and a Wii-friendly interface, the app is extremely smart. (I'm listening to it at work right now, and it works pretty good in Explorer, too.) It will be interesting to see how many online businesses create Wii-enabled portals for their content. I know the porn sites are all over it...at least that's what I hear. No, really.

The "radio" feature is currently down due to high demand, but you can check out their "Best of 2006" playlists in a number of different genres.

Turner Online

Last week, the Wall Street Journal offered a pretty comprehensive report on Turner's online strategies. Why GameTap was not worth a mention is somewhat confusing, but overall, an interesting read.

Dark Tower Flash Game

Holy crap. For all the fogeys out there, you will be amazed by this Flash version of 80s electronic board game Dark Tower. Kudos to whoever made this! The only thing missing is the whirring of the Dark Tower's internal motor...but who's complaining?

More Rogue Galaxy

First off, the official US site for Rogue Galaxy is pretty lame, but there's a silly little Flash game to play that, once completed, allows you to sign up for a Rogue Galaxy demo disc and a shot at some other prizes. Whee! I wasted at least 45 minutes playing the stupid thing. Sony Marketing: 1, Matt: 0.


More interestingly, IGN has posted a new promo video with information on the characters in the game. I predict that "jungle queen" Lilika (pictured above) will be a big hit with the cosplayers! You should also check out Hardcore Gamer's cover story about Rogue Galaxy, which whets my appetite even further. I want this game!

Games in 2007

Dean Takahashi has a very nice (and extensive) blog post about what to expect from games in the coming year. One word: Spore!

More Retro

My friend Jason is hunting for a handheld game he used to have when he was a kid in the 80s. I am trying to help him figure out what it was called. During my search, I found another awesome retro site called Handheld Museum that has pics and info about nearly every obscure electronic toy from the 1970s and 80s. Remember Hit and Missile? That was my shit, yo!

Go, Go Gadget Retro!

I stumbled upon a really cool blog today called Retro Thing, which features an assortment of old and out-of-date gadgets, including (but not limited to) toys, video games and a random hodegpodge of trinkets from days gone by.

Johnny Dollar

This is a guy I befriended via telephone many years ago when I was working at MTV. George Darrow, AKA Johnny Dollar, was a rockabilly cat in the 50s and 60s. Now he lives somewhere in Pennsylvania, where he still sings and records.


I'm telling you, though Johnny clearly has a few screws loose, he is a charmer and a gentleman -- not to mention a total holdover from another era. The original track entitled "I Hate Your Guts" is a true gem. Irwin Chusid's world of outsider music is calling!

In any case, Johnny called me out of the blue right before the holidays. Somehow, he found me! Crazy...I just got his new tape in the mail.